In May of last year I published my first novel, it had been in the making for a very long time and was no secret to those who know me. In fact, it had been in the making for so long I'm sure many who know me thought it would never materialise (me included sometimes)!! Anyway, the reason I'm telling you this now is because over the last few days I have been wondering about the rights and wrongs of my reactions to certain peoples' indifference to my efforts.
We all have people in our lives whom we would expect would never be uninterested in us. Obviously, I'm talking about close family here, Parents, Siblings, Aunts, Uncles etc. At the same time we all have people about whom we wouldn't care if they were unmoved or not or indeed, people from whom we expect nothing more than indifference.
Unfortunately when the person from whom we expect nothing more than indifference is also a person from whom indifference should never be acceptable we are left in a quandary. How then are we supposed to feel - this person delivered no less than we expected and yet we are left disappointed as this person should, by rights, care deeply about us and therefore we would be justified in anticipating their support and encouragement.
Enough of the cryptic, the person of whom I speak is my mother. She has not congratulated me on the publication of my first novel, nor has she asked what it's about. She has neither read it, recommended it to any of her friends, nor has she asked me how it's going.
For those of you who know me and don't know me alike you should be aware that I would expect nothing less of my mother. This is not new behaviour on her part, I have long believed my mother's perception of parental responsibility towards me never stretched further than the practical. And, I must add, in practical terms she has always provided. We were always well fed, clothed and housed, cut knees were patched, hair was cut, fingernails cleaned etc. Even after we all left home she has been there financially whenever any of us have been stuck. However, emotionally, spiritually and psychologically, although my sisters may feel differently, I was very definitely surplus to requirements.
I am now 45 with two fabulous boys of my own, and I know, without a single second's doubt, I will always be there in support of them in whatever they do. If either of them follow me into writing (unlikely at the moment as getting either of them to read is like pulling teeth!) I will be first in the queue on release day, I will buy two dozen copies and I will shout out about their efforts to everyone I can find - whether they want to hear me or not!
I am proud of my boys and I will tell them as often as I can. I know their Dad feels the same but for my part my boys will ALWAYS know there is someone fighting their corner. Someone who will back them up forever, no matter how old or independent they are. Someone who loves them unconditionally and completely.
Even when I'm dead and gone they will know I was the one who brought them into this world, I was their foundations and they will have my love and support for their entire lives, whether I am physically present or not. This is the fundamental right of every child.
To have to live life without these things is a trial we may learn to live with but we never get over.
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